1 00:00:06,480 --> 00:00:10,440 There was an old wise man who I met in prison. Well, he couldn't be that wise 2 00:00:10,440 --> 00:00:13,800 because he was in prison. But he warned me that the hardest thing about being 3 00:00:13,800 --> 00:00:15,880 locked up isn't the thought of where you are. 4 00:00:16,140 --> 00:00:17,560 It's the thought of where you're not. 5 00:00:17,920 --> 00:00:22,000 It's knowing that life outside is continuing on without you. And that the 6 00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:24,900 of your dreams is now the girl of some other prick's dreams. 7 00:00:25,380 --> 00:00:29,460 Glendar is getting married to Gavin fucking Madigan. 8 00:00:29,800 --> 00:00:34,240 But after a lot of soul searching, I decided that I was going to be the 9 00:00:34,240 --> 00:00:35,760 man. For better or worse. 10 00:00:36,090 --> 00:00:40,230 She was going to stay completely loyal and faithful to him for the rest of 11 00:00:40,230 --> 00:00:41,230 entire life. 12 00:00:47,190 --> 00:00:48,190 She's right. 13 00:00:48,470 --> 00:00:52,850 Looking good, kid. I hope her lashes rain on the way to the wedding and that 14 00:00:52,850 --> 00:00:53,850 whole place is flooded. 15 00:00:54,250 --> 00:00:57,950 Oh yeah, well you see what you're saying. Then Gavin's driving along and 16 00:00:57,950 --> 00:01:02,310 tyre hits a puddle and he accoplades and he crashes and he's paralyzed from the 17 00:01:02,310 --> 00:01:05,450 neck down for the rest of his life and he's to talk using one of those 18 00:01:05,870 --> 00:01:09,310 Oh, I'm Gavin Monaghan and it's nice to meet you. 19 00:01:09,950 --> 00:01:10,950 Jesus, boy. 20 00:01:11,270 --> 00:01:12,890 It's a little bit dark, no? 21 00:01:13,290 --> 00:01:15,570 Oh, sorry. I thought that was the direction we were going. 22 00:01:15,910 --> 00:01:18,170 I hope he doesn't die, like, just gets bruised up a bit. 23 00:01:18,950 --> 00:01:20,690 Nick, throw the suit, son. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 24 00:01:24,950 --> 00:01:28,410 Anyway. Oh, look at you. Don't you look lovely? 25 00:01:29,030 --> 00:01:30,030 Oh, I need a hug. 26 00:01:31,770 --> 00:01:33,990 What's this? I kind of forgot to say. 27 00:01:34,350 --> 00:01:37,710 They must have forgotten to take the tag off in the shop. 28 00:01:37,930 --> 00:01:41,190 We bought it, eh? You're on probation. Do you want to go back to jail? 29 00:01:41,490 --> 00:01:42,490 No. 30 00:01:43,890 --> 00:01:44,890 What do we do? 31 00:01:45,110 --> 00:01:46,410 Go on, get the good to do quickly. 32 00:01:53,160 --> 00:01:55,240 Do you think it's a good idea you go into this wedding today? 33 00:01:55,500 --> 00:02:00,800 Linda invited me, like, so... Look, Con, I know it's hard to hear, but... You 34 00:02:00,800 --> 00:02:01,800 will find your someone. 35 00:02:02,200 --> 00:02:06,020 What if I've already found my someone, but I'm not her someone? 36 00:02:11,039 --> 00:02:12,080 What's this, stolen goods? 37 00:02:12,340 --> 00:02:15,400 Jesus Christ, Tony, can you not be a guard for one day in your life? 38 00:02:15,870 --> 00:02:19,430 Mam and Healy were in that phase of their relationship all couples go 39 00:02:19,610 --> 00:02:22,410 Oh, I'll just go and see to Noel, so will I? The hating each other phase. 40 00:02:22,710 --> 00:02:23,369 Do you know what? 41 00:02:23,370 --> 00:02:26,170 That would be lovely. Because he probably wouldn't even recognise you at 42 00:02:26,170 --> 00:02:30,090 moment. Healy was working a lot of triple overtime to pay for nappies and 43 00:02:30,090 --> 00:02:33,710 cream. All right, I'll just turn a blind eye to whatever it is I'm supposed to 44 00:02:33,710 --> 00:02:36,090 be turning a blind eye to, so will I? Jesus Christ. 45 00:02:36,430 --> 00:02:38,770 But deep down, love was still in the air. 46 00:02:39,330 --> 00:02:40,330 Wanker. 47 00:02:41,770 --> 00:02:42,770 Try that. 48 00:02:46,510 --> 00:02:47,710 Right. Time to leave the bag. 49 00:02:47,950 --> 00:02:48,950 No, no, no. 50 00:02:49,410 --> 00:02:53,610 Claire, it's not... What? What? Nothing. 51 00:03:02,190 --> 00:03:03,330 Did you notice about it? 52 00:03:03,550 --> 00:03:06,990 Eh, you'd have to be really looking for it. Yeah, they're after leaving the 53 00:03:06,990 --> 00:03:09,950 security tag on the blazer. Oh, God. 54 00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:12,580 Sick, they ought to do the same to mine, Jack. 55 00:03:12,840 --> 00:03:15,040 Hand it over, Jack. 56 00:03:16,620 --> 00:03:22,160 I've got to head over to Siobhan's there. I want to see Sarah in the flower 57 00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:24,740 costume. It's a funny unsupervised access, Dad. 58 00:03:24,980 --> 00:03:29,960 I know, but something tells me Siobhan won't be ringing her solicitor today. 59 00:03:30,880 --> 00:03:32,360 You know what they say about weddings. 60 00:03:32,980 --> 00:03:35,740 No. Or they make women horny, like. 61 00:03:37,440 --> 00:03:38,780 She wasn't doing nothing for me. 62 00:03:39,150 --> 00:03:41,170 Oh, fierce horny, Mireille. Yeah. 63 00:03:41,710 --> 00:03:45,110 If I'm going to get back with Siobhan, this is my big chance, like. So wish me 64 00:03:45,110 --> 00:03:46,990 luck, yeah? All right, Jack. Go on. Good luck. 65 00:03:47,210 --> 00:03:48,210 Thanks. 66 00:03:48,610 --> 00:03:50,030 So Randy there. 67 00:03:59,970 --> 00:04:01,170 Morning, girl. 68 00:04:14,750 --> 00:04:15,750 Morning. Shit! 69 00:04:16,790 --> 00:04:18,310 You need to go now. 70 00:04:18,790 --> 00:04:21,870 I have them. Thank you. 71 00:04:22,170 --> 00:04:23,170 I'm just there. 72 00:04:23,790 --> 00:04:26,830 You can't go down there. You have to go to the window. 73 00:04:27,250 --> 00:04:28,450 The window? Yeah. 74 00:04:29,410 --> 00:04:30,470 Are you having a nap? 75 00:04:31,050 --> 00:04:32,350 I didn't know what's wrong with the floor. 76 00:04:32,850 --> 00:04:33,850 Okay, 77 00:04:34,010 --> 00:04:35,010 I'm going. 78 00:04:37,970 --> 00:04:38,990 I'm forwarding. 79 00:04:45,400 --> 00:04:48,020 Handsome Dan the painter, man? Yeah, boy, I'm telling you. 80 00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:52,440 Sure. What do you mean, boy? I know his arse as well as I know my own face. 81 00:04:53,860 --> 00:04:56,080 Handsome once posed for an ad for hemorrhoid cream. 82 00:04:56,300 --> 00:04:59,880 The billboard company went bust, which meant the poster stayed up for three 83 00:04:59,880 --> 00:05:02,680 years and became one of Cork's biggest tourist attractions. 84 00:05:03,900 --> 00:05:04,980 Fair play to our life. 85 00:05:05,300 --> 00:05:08,440 What are you on about, Cain? His name is Handsome Dan, Jack. 86 00:05:08,900 --> 00:05:11,300 He's gorgeous. Oi, you're not getting what I'm telling you. 87 00:05:12,670 --> 00:05:15,790 If she's shagging Handsome Dan the night before her wedding, it means she 88 00:05:15,790 --> 00:05:18,590 obviously doesn't want to marry Gavin Madigan. It's a proxy ride. 89 00:05:19,350 --> 00:05:22,750 A proxy ride? A proxy ride, OK? 90 00:05:22,970 --> 00:05:27,170 Yeah, sure, she might have gotten up on Dan, but she was thinking about you by 91 00:05:27,170 --> 00:05:28,170 the whole time. 92 00:05:28,310 --> 00:05:32,850 Really? So... She's thinking about me? 93 00:05:33,170 --> 00:05:35,190 Yes, you, boy. She's still in love with you. 94 00:05:35,910 --> 00:05:39,010 This was going to be my last chance to win Linda back. 95 00:05:39,250 --> 00:05:42,110 And what's more of a romantic place to do it than a wedding? 96 00:05:42,570 --> 00:05:43,529 Her wedding. 97 00:05:43,530 --> 00:05:45,690 Half a sausage just for left of your fork there, aren't I? 98 00:05:46,630 --> 00:05:48,370 Right, this sausage is going to sort me out now. 99 00:05:49,430 --> 00:05:50,990 I'm going to be sick. 100 00:05:51,270 --> 00:05:51,769 I'm done. 101 00:05:51,770 --> 00:05:52,810 Bar, take it away from me. 102 00:05:54,710 --> 00:05:56,410 Why did you have that? 103 00:05:57,010 --> 00:05:58,610 To tape your Auntie Linda into her dress. 104 00:05:59,190 --> 00:06:02,430 Don't want her tits spilling over when she's saying her I do's. OK, girls, 40 105 00:06:02,430 --> 00:06:03,770 minutes and we head to the church, yeah? 106 00:06:04,150 --> 00:06:06,050 But we're not going to the church, remember? 107 00:06:06,490 --> 00:06:07,389 You know what I mean. 108 00:06:07,390 --> 00:06:10,090 It was a great idea of Gavin's to have the wedding in the place where you two 109 00:06:10,090 --> 00:06:11,090 first met. 110 00:06:11,530 --> 00:06:14,290 He's too tight to spend his own money, is what he's saying. Well, I think it's 111 00:06:14,290 --> 00:06:15,290 mad romantic. 112 00:06:15,730 --> 00:06:16,790 Let's try and get him even. 113 00:06:18,250 --> 00:06:20,410 I don't want one for my... The other one in Charleville. 114 00:06:23,270 --> 00:06:24,270 Yeah. 115 00:06:25,030 --> 00:06:26,030 Thank you. 116 00:06:43,310 --> 00:06:44,310 You're right there, lads, yeah? 117 00:06:45,370 --> 00:06:50,450 Conor has a question for you. Conor has a question. 118 00:06:51,570 --> 00:06:55,930 Yeah, Conor has a... I just want to ask, did you have sex with Linda Walsh last 119 00:06:55,930 --> 00:06:56,769 night at the inn? 120 00:06:56,770 --> 00:06:57,950 Yeah. Why, no, lad. 121 00:06:58,410 --> 00:07:00,070 Know yourself. A gentleman never tells. 122 00:07:01,450 --> 00:07:04,430 Yeah, but if you did sleep with her, I just want you to know she was probably 123 00:07:04,430 --> 00:07:06,050 thinking of someone else the whole time. 124 00:07:06,310 --> 00:07:07,249 Yeah. 125 00:07:07,250 --> 00:07:11,170 Now that you say it, she actually did keep shouting out some other lad's name 126 00:07:11,170 --> 00:07:12,170 the whole night. 127 00:07:12,419 --> 00:07:13,440 Well, you should have heard her. 128 00:07:13,680 --> 00:07:15,480 She was all... Oh! 129 00:07:16,660 --> 00:07:17,760 Oh, Jesus Christ! 130 00:07:18,640 --> 00:07:19,900 Oh, Jesus Christ! 131 00:07:20,580 --> 00:07:21,860 Oh, Jesus Christ! 132 00:07:22,260 --> 00:07:25,420 Look, whatever happened between you and Linda, all right? She's still in love 133 00:07:25,420 --> 00:07:28,640 with Cain, all right? And now she's going to marry some other fella. All 134 00:07:28,660 --> 00:07:32,620 cool. Just watch out with me, like. We want you to come to the wedding and tell 135 00:07:32,620 --> 00:07:34,180 Gavin Madigan that you slept with Linda. 136 00:07:34,520 --> 00:07:35,520 What, and humiliate her? 137 00:07:35,740 --> 00:07:37,720 Yeah. In front of all of her friends and family? 138 00:07:37,980 --> 00:07:39,120 Yeah, if you don't mind. 139 00:07:39,880 --> 00:07:41,820 Do you wish to be ashamed of yourselves? Yeah. 140 00:07:42,240 --> 00:07:43,240 The answer is no. 141 00:07:43,420 --> 00:07:44,420 Get lost. 142 00:07:45,780 --> 00:07:48,820 I hate to admit it, but maybe Hanson was right. 143 00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:51,560 He was more than just a six -pack and a cute ass. 144 00:07:52,520 --> 00:07:55,360 Can all wedding guests please be seated in the assembly hall? Thank you. 145 00:07:57,140 --> 00:07:58,620 He's getting married at a school. 146 00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:06,300 Cheapest thing I've ever heard in my life. It was time to bow out gracefully. 147 00:08:09,420 --> 00:08:10,920 What about a man won in the end, huh? 148 00:08:11,220 --> 00:08:13,480 It's not a competition, Lee. Of course it was a competition. 149 00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:15,500 And I wiped your eye for you. 150 00:08:17,760 --> 00:08:19,560 A wedding doesn't count if it's in a school. 151 00:08:20,840 --> 00:08:22,480 I think that's actually true, you know. 152 00:08:22,860 --> 00:08:24,760 Would you look at the state of him. 153 00:08:27,580 --> 00:08:29,480 Would you stop being such a snob? 154 00:08:30,100 --> 00:08:33,780 It's amazing what you can find in a charity shop if you're not fussy. 155 00:08:34,580 --> 00:08:35,580 One peck. 156 00:08:38,570 --> 00:08:40,630 Or I'll lick your head. 157 00:08:40,850 --> 00:08:41,850 Thank you. 158 00:08:42,850 --> 00:08:45,590 Siobhan would like you to sit next to her for the math. 159 00:08:46,030 --> 00:08:47,030 Really? 160 00:08:47,910 --> 00:08:50,130 What about... Don't mind what Barry thinks. 161 00:08:51,090 --> 00:08:55,070 As Linda said, you're Star's daddy, which makes you family. 162 00:08:55,750 --> 00:08:57,610 Yeah. Ah, thanks. 163 00:08:57,910 --> 00:08:59,030 Come on. All right, Con? 164 00:09:00,110 --> 00:09:01,410 The mile wouldn't kill you. 165 00:09:02,210 --> 00:09:03,990 Why do I have a horny day? 166 00:09:11,020 --> 00:09:13,080 The room where your bit could be Father Rooney's last man. 167 00:09:14,540 --> 00:09:16,300 Supposed to be going through a crisis of fate. 168 00:09:17,740 --> 00:09:19,420 Yeah. Everything all right, Linda? 169 00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:21,060 Yeah. 170 00:09:21,400 --> 00:09:23,180 You're not thinking of jilting him at the altar, are you? 171 00:09:24,120 --> 00:09:26,620 It's just, you know, the reception's after costing me a fortune. 172 00:09:26,820 --> 00:09:28,360 Dad! It was a joke. 173 00:09:31,700 --> 00:09:32,860 He's a good man, Linda. 174 00:09:33,900 --> 00:09:34,900 Solid, you know. 175 00:09:35,760 --> 00:09:39,660 And the best thing about marrying a teacher, as your mother knows well, you 176 00:09:39,660 --> 00:09:40,619 can't be fucked. 177 00:09:40,620 --> 00:09:42,460 No matter how bad you are at your job. 178 00:09:43,660 --> 00:09:46,460 You know the way you love them spring rolls from the paddy field above the 179 00:09:46,460 --> 00:09:47,840 Bishopstown? Yeah. 180 00:09:48,180 --> 00:09:51,340 Well, there's nothing wrong with not wanting those spring rolls every night 181 00:09:51,340 --> 00:09:52,339 the rest of your life. 182 00:09:52,340 --> 00:09:53,299 What? 183 00:09:53,300 --> 00:09:54,300 You'd laugh, don't you? 184 00:09:54,740 --> 00:09:58,940 Last night, you fancied the spring rolls from Walk This Way in Toker. 185 00:09:59,420 --> 00:10:01,500 And there's no shame in that. 186 00:10:02,140 --> 00:10:03,140 I'm going to be sick. 187 00:10:03,980 --> 00:10:04,980 I'm going to get sick. 188 00:10:10,830 --> 00:10:14,170 Siobhan, the caterer said the money is non -refundable. Piss off, guys! 189 00:10:15,990 --> 00:10:16,990 I'm good. 190 00:10:17,190 --> 00:10:18,190 I'm good. 191 00:10:19,130 --> 00:10:20,130 I'm fine. 192 00:10:21,030 --> 00:10:21,929 I'm all right. 193 00:10:21,930 --> 00:10:22,930 I'm all right. 194 00:10:23,770 --> 00:10:24,770 Oi. 195 00:10:25,590 --> 00:10:27,430 Try to control yourself when we're saying the vote. 196 00:10:28,290 --> 00:10:31,390 The last thing we need on video is to sound you blood in your eyes out. 197 00:10:31,930 --> 00:10:35,730 Billy thinks weddings are like funerals. You can just turn up, pay your respects 198 00:10:35,730 --> 00:10:37,270 and get free booze and sandwiches. 199 00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:43,180 Me? Why do you let him talk to you like that? 200 00:10:43,600 --> 00:10:44,600 I'm not letting him. 201 00:10:45,420 --> 00:10:46,760 It's his day, all right? 202 00:10:47,380 --> 00:10:49,240 Like you said, he won. Won? 203 00:10:49,700 --> 00:10:50,920 Is that what this is all about? 204 00:10:51,380 --> 00:10:53,280 Winning? I thought it was about love. 205 00:10:53,800 --> 00:10:55,100 Do you still love her? 206 00:10:55,320 --> 00:10:56,360 Of course I love her. 207 00:10:57,180 --> 00:10:58,300 She doesn't love him. 208 00:11:00,340 --> 00:11:03,340 Why, she slept with Hanson Dan Fogarty at the home last night. 209 00:11:03,620 --> 00:11:04,620 She didn't what? 210 00:11:05,980 --> 00:11:08,520 Look, as much as I love a good volleyball... 211 00:11:10,250 --> 00:11:11,169 Cancel this wedding. 212 00:11:11,170 --> 00:11:14,830 And how do you suppose we do that, Billy? I suppose we could drag Handsome 213 00:11:14,830 --> 00:11:17,750 Diamond here and he can confess in front of the whole congregation. 214 00:11:18,230 --> 00:11:20,010 I tried that. He said no. I asked. 215 00:11:20,210 --> 00:11:21,230 That's your big mistake. 216 00:11:21,610 --> 00:11:22,750 You asked him. 217 00:11:24,130 --> 00:11:25,470 Are you okay? 218 00:11:26,310 --> 00:11:28,110 No, Billy. I'm really sad. 219 00:11:28,450 --> 00:11:29,450 Okay. 220 00:11:30,750 --> 00:11:32,170 God, he is so intense. 221 00:11:32,770 --> 00:11:34,410 I just don't want to hurt Adam's feelings. 222 00:11:35,550 --> 00:11:37,610 The worst reason to get married. 223 00:11:38,190 --> 00:11:40,890 Especially when it's... Stopping you from getting what your heart really 224 00:11:41,090 --> 00:11:42,290 He's a good person, Siobhan. 225 00:11:42,870 --> 00:11:47,050 If he's a good person, he'll understand that you want to go back to your first 226 00:11:47,050 --> 00:11:48,050 love. 227 00:11:49,510 --> 00:11:50,510 Do you hear what Dad said? 228 00:11:51,090 --> 00:11:52,090 Everything's paid for now. 229 00:11:53,430 --> 00:11:55,910 Dad, you ready to be a flower girl? 230 00:11:56,250 --> 00:11:57,250 Yeah! 231 00:12:12,270 --> 00:12:13,730 in time if you hadn't stopped at every orange light. 232 00:12:15,210 --> 00:12:18,170 Our time were here before the bride. Oh, yeah. No, thanks to you. 233 00:12:19,710 --> 00:12:22,070 I can't believe you got overtaken by a mobility scooter. 234 00:12:22,550 --> 00:12:23,810 Could you maybe stop him crying? 235 00:12:24,550 --> 00:12:27,270 Oh, but I'll switch him to flight mode, will I? Just take him outside. 236 00:12:27,550 --> 00:12:28,750 Oh, maybe you should take him outside. 237 00:12:29,170 --> 00:12:30,170 Oh, Jesus. 238 00:12:35,210 --> 00:12:40,250 In you pop. 239 00:12:41,640 --> 00:12:47,160 Please one look. I'm not gonna hurt you fingers crossed I'm just gonna bring you 240 00:12:47,160 --> 00:12:50,100 to this wedding and you're gonna tell everyone how you rode the braids athlete 241 00:12:50,100 --> 00:12:56,640 All right, just my my ass one in at the moneymaker You're not claustrophobic. 242 00:12:56,700 --> 00:13:03,640 Yeah, no, no you might be after this Do you know that they all 243 00:13:03,640 --> 00:13:08,100 have the same touch Directed three musketeers 244 00:13:14,350 --> 00:13:15,350 Can we have a quick chat? 245 00:13:16,670 --> 00:13:18,690 A quick chat? About what? 246 00:13:21,230 --> 00:13:22,230 Somewhere in private. 247 00:13:35,430 --> 00:13:36,430 Listen. 248 00:13:39,030 --> 00:13:40,250 I want to say I'm sorry. 249 00:13:43,080 --> 00:13:44,820 For being such an asshole to you just now. 250 00:13:45,560 --> 00:13:47,060 Is this some sort of joke, like? 251 00:13:47,320 --> 00:13:53,120 I was standing on the altar and it dawned on me that I should be thanking 252 00:13:53,540 --> 00:13:54,540 For what? 253 00:13:55,780 --> 00:13:57,920 Because you'll be something I'll never be. 254 00:13:59,420 --> 00:14:00,500 It's Linda's first love. 255 00:14:02,460 --> 00:14:07,360 And you know, she said to me she wouldn't have fell in love with me if 256 00:14:07,360 --> 00:14:08,780 didn't teach her to love in the first place. 257 00:14:09,700 --> 00:14:11,300 Linda? Linda said that? 258 00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:14,520 Would you do me a favor? 259 00:14:17,180 --> 00:14:18,760 Would you do the readings for us? 260 00:14:21,240 --> 00:14:22,840 I know it would mean a lot to Linda. 261 00:14:27,540 --> 00:14:28,540 Garbage. 262 00:14:29,640 --> 00:14:30,640 The whole thing. 263 00:14:31,460 --> 00:14:37,000 For the second time that day, I realized that humiliating Linda in front of her 264 00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:42,380 family and friends might not be the right thing to do. Billy, I changed my 265 00:14:45,330 --> 00:14:46,750 Careful now, we don't want to hurt you. 266 00:14:47,510 --> 00:14:48,510 Whoa, here we go. 267 00:14:50,930 --> 00:14:53,810 I tell you something, you're going to get your steps in today. 268 00:15:05,410 --> 00:15:06,690 That's a really long car. 269 00:15:14,180 --> 00:15:15,180 She's here. 270 00:15:17,660 --> 00:15:18,660 It's going to be okay. 271 00:15:20,480 --> 00:15:24,060 Oh, Jesus Christ. 272 00:15:34,560 --> 00:15:37,040 And remember, the least any of us deserve is to be happy. 273 00:15:38,240 --> 00:15:39,240 Thanks, Mom. 274 00:15:43,980 --> 00:15:44,980 Come on. 275 00:15:48,940 --> 00:15:55,880 I think I'm going to do 276 00:15:55,880 --> 00:15:56,880 community netting. 277 00:15:57,600 --> 00:15:58,600 What? 278 00:15:59,400 --> 00:16:00,400 Wait. 279 00:16:01,340 --> 00:16:02,340 Hungry. 280 00:16:50,280 --> 00:16:52,660 I know you're not used to me giving you advice. 281 00:16:54,860 --> 00:16:56,160 But you found Josh somewhere. 282 00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:00,220 I don't want you to mess it up like I did. 283 00:17:04,170 --> 00:17:05,170 You should go get him. 284 00:17:07,609 --> 00:17:08,609 Not now. 285 00:17:09,230 --> 00:17:10,230 Go on. 286 00:17:12,390 --> 00:17:17,810 We're gathered here today to celebrate the marriage of Gavin Madigan, Linda 287 00:17:17,810 --> 00:17:21,250 Walsh. Yeah, first reading. 288 00:17:21,530 --> 00:17:25,410 Who is for the first reading? 289 00:17:26,150 --> 00:17:27,690 First reading, thank you. 290 00:17:28,830 --> 00:17:30,690 Connor. Is it Connor? 291 00:17:30,910 --> 00:17:31,910 Are we Connor? 292 00:17:33,320 --> 00:17:34,320 Are you the first reading? 293 00:17:34,660 --> 00:17:35,840 Yeah, stand up. 294 00:17:36,140 --> 00:17:38,220 And then go on. Go on. 295 00:17:39,240 --> 00:17:40,840 Very good. 296 00:17:42,280 --> 00:17:43,280 Lovely. 297 00:17:48,460 --> 00:17:49,460 Hey. 298 00:17:51,300 --> 00:17:52,840 Sorry, I'm not going to read the whole thing. 299 00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:56,000 Okay. 300 00:17:57,520 --> 00:18:01,800 Hey, Linda said you have a mickey on you like a packet of polos. 301 00:18:06,860 --> 00:18:10,500 And can you please get a move on? I'm playing golf at three. 302 00:18:10,720 --> 00:18:14,800 Public speaking isn't my strong point, but I was going to nail this. For Linda. 303 00:18:15,040 --> 00:18:16,040 The first reading. 304 00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:21,700 A reading from a book of, or sorry, the book. 305 00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:23,000 What's wrong with you? 306 00:18:23,360 --> 00:18:25,740 Come on, Guy. You can't read, is it? I can read. 307 00:18:25,940 --> 00:18:26,940 It's sexy. 308 00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:28,700 Well, just make it up and say anything. 309 00:18:32,520 --> 00:18:38,220 Do I speak with the tongues of men and of angels? 310 00:18:39,180 --> 00:18:40,820 Angels. Angels. 311 00:18:43,900 --> 00:18:49,560 But have not, love, I have become brass 312 00:18:49,560 --> 00:18:53,900 and a resounding gong. 313 00:18:54,700 --> 00:18:56,120 Resounding gong, all right. 314 00:19:06,960 --> 00:19:07,959 Linda, I'm sorry. 315 00:19:07,960 --> 00:19:09,780 I wanted to be happy for Linda. 316 00:19:10,080 --> 00:19:13,980 But I can get a bit hormonal at weddings. And I had the tendency to mess 317 00:19:13,980 --> 00:19:14,980 decision -making process. 318 00:19:15,500 --> 00:19:16,500 But fuck it. 319 00:19:16,520 --> 00:19:17,660 Back to the old plan. 320 00:19:24,180 --> 00:19:25,180 Connor! 321 00:19:25,780 --> 00:19:28,120 Billy. I changed my mind again. 322 00:19:28,680 --> 00:19:32,800 Okay. Operation Handsome Hand Grenade is a go -go. 323 00:19:39,230 --> 00:19:40,230 Shit. 324 00:19:43,510 --> 00:19:44,510 Dang, 325 00:19:47,590 --> 00:19:48,590 dang, dang. 326 00:19:48,990 --> 00:19:50,050 Change your plan. 327 00:19:50,350 --> 00:19:51,350 Mind your head. 328 00:19:53,210 --> 00:19:56,910 And now before Gavin and Linda make their solemn commitment to each other, 329 00:19:56,990 --> 00:20:01,250 they've written their own vows, which they're now going to recite to each 330 00:20:02,710 --> 00:20:03,710 Combine on my phone. 331 00:20:03,850 --> 00:20:04,850 Brilliant. 332 00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:08,000 Shit. What? 333 00:20:08,360 --> 00:20:09,800 It's asking for a software update. 334 00:20:10,380 --> 00:20:11,440 I'm after saying yes. 335 00:20:12,160 --> 00:20:14,320 Why didn't you just print them out? I don't know. 336 00:20:14,860 --> 00:20:17,140 It's the only one always saying we're living in a paperless world. 337 00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:20,440 Do you not, like, I don't know, remember them? 338 00:20:22,580 --> 00:20:25,020 Three guesses as to who's singing this. 339 00:20:25,240 --> 00:20:26,240 I don't know. 340 00:20:26,640 --> 00:20:27,760 No. Your ma? 341 00:20:28,340 --> 00:20:29,340 No. 342 00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:30,920 Go on, have another guess. 343 00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:32,200 Is it Daniel, actually? 344 00:20:32,360 --> 00:20:33,540 Gilbert O'Sullivan. 345 00:20:34,240 --> 00:20:37,300 He's actually from Waterford. What could it be? 346 00:20:38,360 --> 00:20:40,700 Woo! That's matrimony. 347 00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:44,220 It won't take long. 348 00:20:44,880 --> 00:20:46,860 Look, it's initialising. 349 00:20:50,700 --> 00:20:51,700 Where's Billy? 350 00:20:54,340 --> 00:20:56,320 Look at this prick with hairs. 351 00:20:57,020 --> 00:20:58,960 There's nobody on the road. 352 00:21:01,620 --> 00:21:02,840 Look, come here. 353 00:21:03,070 --> 00:21:04,530 I've got somewhere I've got to be. 354 00:21:05,110 --> 00:21:05,989 Chop, chop. 355 00:21:05,990 --> 00:21:08,110 All right, lad. I'm only messing with you. Go on. 356 00:21:08,370 --> 00:21:09,970 Go ahead. In your own time. 357 00:21:14,870 --> 00:21:15,970 I'm sorry about this. 358 00:21:16,730 --> 00:21:18,230 It took me hours to write them. 359 00:21:19,230 --> 00:21:21,150 And there's a little bit of something in there for everyone. 360 00:21:22,390 --> 00:21:23,390 Cries. 361 00:21:23,790 --> 00:21:25,710 Laughter. Is there a car chase, is there? 362 00:21:26,470 --> 00:21:28,850 Well, we're all on tenterhooks, I'm sure. 363 00:21:29,330 --> 00:21:30,330 It's 80%. 364 00:21:30,879 --> 00:21:33,960 You'll be cutting the cake when we get there. Shut up, you! 365 00:21:35,740 --> 00:21:36,820 Steve McQueen. 366 00:21:38,580 --> 00:21:40,180 I said hello! 367 00:21:42,420 --> 00:21:43,540 What's happening, Shakespeare? 368 00:21:44,260 --> 00:21:45,260 It's the wheel of death. 369 00:21:45,640 --> 00:21:46,740 I think it's frozen. 370 00:21:47,120 --> 00:21:48,280 We're going to leave the vows. 371 00:21:49,230 --> 00:21:53,190 Well, that's ruined everyone's day, I'm sure. Right, let's zip through this. 372 00:21:53,310 --> 00:21:58,530 Right, Gavin, Jimmy, Barry, Madigan, do you take Linda, Anastasia, Walsh, be 373 00:21:58,530 --> 00:22:01,410 your lawfully wedded wife, sickness and health, up and down, death to your part? 374 00:22:01,770 --> 00:22:05,450 I do. Great. Linda, do you take Gavin, lawfully wedded husband, sickness and 375 00:22:05,450 --> 00:22:06,450 health, rest of your days? 376 00:22:06,870 --> 00:22:13,870 I... I... 377 00:22:13,870 --> 00:22:15,210 Say yes. 378 00:22:21,740 --> 00:22:25,900 When I saw Linda's face, I realised the desperate lengths that love had driven 379 00:22:25,900 --> 00:22:26,679 me to. 380 00:22:26,680 --> 00:22:29,280 Oh, mother of God, who's this now? 381 00:22:29,900 --> 00:22:32,000 It's Dan Fogarty. 382 00:22:32,240 --> 00:22:36,800 He's a good -looking fella, isn't he? Yeah. Yeah, and he's got something to 383 00:22:36,800 --> 00:22:39,300 you. Wait, wait, wait, wait. 384 00:22:41,940 --> 00:22:47,320 Dan, you can go home. But I brought him for you, God. Are you the fella from the 385 00:22:47,320 --> 00:22:49,280 poster? What is he doing here? 386 00:22:49,900 --> 00:22:52,220 He had sex with the bride last night. 387 00:22:52,600 --> 00:22:53,600 He what? 388 00:22:53,720 --> 00:22:54,720 Fuck. 389 00:22:56,140 --> 00:22:57,280 No, he didn't. 390 00:22:57,480 --> 00:22:58,520 So how could he? 391 00:22:59,040 --> 00:23:00,820 He was with me all night. 392 00:23:02,640 --> 00:23:04,520 Playing cards, like, there. 393 00:23:05,160 --> 00:23:06,880 You don't have to lie for me, Con. 394 00:23:08,520 --> 00:23:10,140 I'm so sorry, Kevin. 395 00:23:10,600 --> 00:23:11,640 Was it the full ride? 396 00:23:12,700 --> 00:23:14,440 Because I'm over the bra action, I can forgive. 397 00:23:14,700 --> 00:23:16,480 I don't want your forgiveness. 398 00:23:17,940 --> 00:23:19,960 I... I don't want to marry you. 399 00:23:23,800 --> 00:23:26,800 I thought I did, but then I realised I wasn't being true to myself. 400 00:23:27,980 --> 00:23:32,980 And what I want more than anything in this whole world is to be with my first 401 00:23:32,980 --> 00:23:33,980 true love. 402 00:23:36,520 --> 00:23:38,580 You're not talking about that fucking lang ball, are you? 403 00:23:40,880 --> 00:23:41,880 Dolphins. 404 00:23:43,500 --> 00:23:44,820 Dolphins? Yeah. 405 00:23:45,700 --> 00:23:48,100 I want to go to UCC and study marine science. 406 00:23:48,730 --> 00:23:50,110 I thought you were going to say me there, Linda. 407 00:23:50,350 --> 00:23:53,830 Then I'm going to work with an NGO and clear all the plastic from the Pacific 408 00:23:53,830 --> 00:23:56,770 Ocean. I really thought you were going to say me. I'm sorry. 409 00:23:57,490 --> 00:23:58,490 To both of you. 410 00:23:59,790 --> 00:24:01,110 But you were holding me back. 411 00:24:02,530 --> 00:24:04,570 Did anyone else think she was going to say me? 412 00:24:04,950 --> 00:24:08,450 Ah, right. Well, I'm teeing off at 3 .30. Good luck. 413 00:24:10,030 --> 00:24:11,030 Sorry. 414 00:24:15,050 --> 00:24:16,050 What? 415 00:24:17,320 --> 00:24:18,780 It's a software update, isn't it? 416 00:24:20,120 --> 00:24:24,560 You shouldn't even worry about the nice things they had to say, because you'd be 417 00:24:24,560 --> 00:24:25,600 wasted on someone like you. 418 00:24:28,340 --> 00:24:30,100 They were all wrote by ChatGPT anyway. 419 00:24:46,860 --> 00:24:49,960 Look, I know you've been working really hard and... Yeah, to provide for our 420 00:24:49,960 --> 00:24:50,819 child's future. 421 00:24:50,820 --> 00:24:52,140 I'm saying you don't have to. 422 00:24:53,420 --> 00:24:56,560 I've already raised a son. I did it by myself without a penny to my name. 423 00:24:56,960 --> 00:24:58,140 He turned out all right, didn't he? 424 00:24:58,480 --> 00:25:00,180 Yeah, is that the one who's just done three years in prison? 425 00:25:01,160 --> 00:25:02,380 Yeah, that's a fair point. 426 00:25:04,800 --> 00:25:08,680 Look, all I'm saying is, what kind of future is our little boy going to have 427 00:25:08,680 --> 00:25:10,660 his mother and father are strangers to each other? 428 00:25:12,440 --> 00:25:15,020 Yeah, I suppose it is a bit early to start thinking about which college to 429 00:25:15,020 --> 00:25:16,020 him to. 430 00:25:18,990 --> 00:25:21,030 Keep him alive, show him love, that's the job. 431 00:25:21,490 --> 00:25:23,390 Everything else you just make up as you go along. 432 00:25:32,130 --> 00:25:33,290 Are we going to this wedding then? 433 00:25:34,410 --> 00:25:35,410 Oh, the wedding's off. 434 00:25:36,370 --> 00:25:37,370 It's off? 435 00:25:37,830 --> 00:25:38,830 It's a long story. 436 00:25:41,070 --> 00:25:43,190 Maybe you and me could go home while he's asleep. 437 00:25:44,990 --> 00:25:47,210 I guess it's true what they say about weddings. 438 00:26:14,340 --> 00:26:19,280 Out of his league, is it? 439 00:26:19,540 --> 00:26:20,540 Well, it's true. 440 00:26:20,700 --> 00:26:23,880 Haven't we got a good job and isn't it permanent and pensionable? We pay for 441 00:26:23,880 --> 00:26:27,500 half of this wedding, all right? And you can sing for us? Oh, yeah. Come on, 442 00:26:27,500 --> 00:26:28,500 Rumba. 443 00:26:29,500 --> 00:26:33,800 Oh, being married to a schoolteacher isn't the end of everyone's reign, boy, 444 00:26:33,800 --> 00:26:36,460 know. Well, neither have been married to a slapper. 445 00:26:38,240 --> 00:26:40,660 You're never going to get married again, boy. What, you're married to my son? 446 00:26:40,820 --> 00:26:43,700 Yeah, is that right? Yeah. What? Would you love that, would you? What? 447 00:27:25,639 --> 00:27:30,040 Okay. We're not down! 448 00:27:41,920 --> 00:27:48,520 In the end, no one got what they wanted except for Linda and Siobhan The 449 00:27:48,520 --> 00:27:53,500 day didn't turn out the way any of us imagined it would Except Jock was right 450 00:27:53,500 --> 00:27:56,800 what he said Weddings really do make women horny 451 00:28:03,720 --> 00:28:04,720 Good job!